Declassified File of Codger

E Rank but a Specialist





“Now what the hell do we do with all these useless recruits Boss?”

Let’s be honest that’s not how it all started.  To know that we have to go back a little bit in time, roughly a decade and a half or so,  When the Fulton Recovery System was less effective and a whole lot messier when things went wrong.  I was one of those guys, the kind they accidentally knocked out and dragged off for recruitment like this fresh faced lot of POWs.  





Well me, I’ve been around a while now.  In fact I’m not unfamiliar with Big Boss.  In fact I even knew of his predecessor, The Boss, and that whole era of madness.  The era of world wars, so you could say I’ve been around for a while now.  But why am I relevant, why do I matter so much?  Let’s start at the beginning before soldiers were ranked and filed by skills and abilities and usefulness.  We were all just bodies, meat for the grinder.

I was no exception or so they thought, when they ran around testing the Fulton Recovery System for extraction use on a grand scale in the fifties and sixties.  Rank and file, but things get interesting in the early seventies.  When Big Boss and Foxhound were at war with one another.  Closer to the late sixties really but small difference in the end.  I was yanked out of a latrine in the middle of the night while I was taking a break from some major scientific discoveries…

Yes I’m a scientist, an inventor to be precise, and my entire research and development was ruined by these jackasses and their kidnapping and extraction fetish.   See the above documentation of Fulton extraction addiction if you need a reminder of the kinds of crazy and stupid recklessness and wanton abuse of the device that is often done by men such as Big Boss.  And by this point in time they were developing a ranking system for the newly recruited, prisoners slash defectors.  

I was given the rank of E.  Apparently F was not a thing!  As they labelled me fucking failable for every fucking job!  And inventors without inventions or proof of research were worthless.  I couldn’t just go “hey I was on the verge of completing a world changing device”, seeing as all of my R&D was torched and shot to shit and blown to smithereens by these assholes now could I.

So I was regulated to KP duty, and cleaning, and being used for target practice.  I was terrible at all of those things.  And it went on this way for a good length of time until one day they thought it would be funny to lock the old codger up in a makeshift cell.  Well it was more of a storage room slash workshop, but nothing in there was supposed to be useful for getting out.  Like I said I’m an inventor and I did what inventors do.  I make stuff, useful stuff sometimes, but mostly a lot of useless shit that not even the A-teams of the military special forces could put to use.  In this case though I was really lucky, everything I needed to make a small scale version of my invention was on hand.  And by small scale version I mean just big enough to stab somebody in the nipple with, but with a tweak here, and a busted pipe there for extra length I had the perfect tool for getting free of their practical joke.




But don’t kid yourself, this little knife wasn’t just sharp, it was the key to my successful integration into Big Boss’s force, and getting a real paycheck.  Well rank of E *  specialist.  Oh and they almost stopped calling me the old Codger.  I was given the codename Piranha Sloth, after some time in the field.  So sue me I can’t hit the broad side of a freight train sitting still, and I like the fact that shotguns are blind guy friendly.

But back to the point, that pretty little pipe I altered, wasn’t just a knife, it was something special, and the phrase HOLY FUCK was said more than I care to count when they saw the damage done by my little pipe knife, to the walls of that room, and the hole I made to leave through with it.  After all and old codger like myself isn’t all that strong, it’s why they locked me in to harass me.

Let’s just say the when they went to look at how I got out the HOLY FUCK became a nickname for my little pipeknife, and then they shortened it to describe it in general as a HF Blade.  Which is how I got to be specialist E rank Piranha Sloth.  Toting a shotgun and my pipe knife onto the battlefield, well some battlefields.  Fucking Bullet Magnet.